Mommy look

It's strange but one of the things I've been most sensitive about is not looking like a mommy.

I'm not very fashion and trend conscious never have been... I have put on a considerable amount of weight and dress to hide it... I'm ok with that... But there is this certain "Ammi" look that I think new moms tend to have that scares the hell out of me. 

Post the baby I think so much of our attention goes to them that for a while you forget about yourself. Forget about dressing up ... Heck you get so busy you don't get the time for a good wax.... Your moustache starts to grow,.. Your eyebrows get bushy... Your nails are of varying lengths.... Don't even look at the toe nails.... 

You start to wear baggy clothes to hide the tummy bulge... Track pants to cover the hairy legs.... Since in the first few months you hardly go out... You hardly dress up....

Your hair is in a perpetual top knot... Which isn't even coolly done!!!! 

That look scares me.... Because it's very easy to fall into that trap and argue how exhausted you are to even try looking better.... And while its is true... It's also the most important thing to push yourself and look after yourself. 

I have spent up to my 28th year passing off as a 23 year old.... And suddenly I feel like I've jumped to 36 in one year. 

A few bloggers I follow... Mommy bloggers have been great inspirations to me to look better...

Here are what they look like post baby and with full fledged careers!!

Thats Melissa from Brave in Love formerly known as Dear Baby Blog. Hers was the first mommy blog I read and fell instantly in love with the idea of chronicling all of the little bumblebees antics.

Then there is Jo from Cup of Jo.... her articles while fascinating also have this cool vintage 70's feel to them that I love...

And finally, as much as I hate her I love her... Drea.... I mean ok don't don the ammi look but hello? Do you have to look like a super model? But frankly her posts are amazing... and her photographs are simply gorgeous... it looks like she literally lives in technicolor!

Well I guess when you have some inspiration like them, not only in the way they write but also in their fab dress sense... you learn... you learn to whoop you ass every once in a while and start working on yourself... because its not just about wearing the right clothes or putting on kajaal every morning... it about being fit and looking good....

Diwali Spirit - Its always with you!

This post is part of a fun blog hop I've participated in with some wonderful bloggers I met recently online... It will be fun because you will get to read many perspectives on diwali from many different kinds of bloggers... from food to customs to crafts... to just what diwali means to us... Hope you guys enjoy the hop!!

Diwali means the world to me... Maybe because it has such a strong connection to my childhood.. For most of us I think... It's the time for family and food and festivities.. New clothes and fire crackers ... Cousins and friends....

It's a happy time...

But somehow over the years, maybe because we've grown out of it or have become too busy in our work and looking after our kids.. Somehow the magic of it has diminished...

Last year because it was siddy's first Diwali we did it full blown.... Right from all the small traditions to the food and breakfast to the big party with all of our friends in Jaipur... It was amazing...

But this year.. Instead of doing traditional things we decided to push off for a family vacation.... 

I've been married five years but for some reason we haven't all managed a family vacation till now... So the first chance we got (the husbands Diwali vacations of four days!) we decided to go to Dubai.

While I was super excited for the trip because it was also the little puddings first vacation abroad... I was a bit heartbroken about missing Diwali breakfast the puja and the late night parties full of good food and drinks...

And Dubai.. While it is one gorgeous city in terms of its architectural feats... What would it know of Diwali...

And so we went... And got to our hotel.. And spent the day doing all touristy stuff.. And then came night.. 

And the lights came on...like in a movie...!

Almost 85% homes were lit up in the most beautiful twinkling lights I have ever seen... 

It was such a great feeling to see Diwali.. 

My festival our festival being celebrated in a foreign country... 

We went for a walk and came across so many families bursting crackers while wearing their finest fineries! Little kids running around.. Women gossiping and men laughing out loud...

It suddenly felt like Home and felt like Diwali! 

That evening our family sat together in our room and had drinks and ate some yummy food and laughed and joked and had a great time.. 

And I realised that Diwali is something that's in our hearts and we take it with us everywhere.. It's not in the breakfast or the crackers or the dinner parties.. Those are great parts of Diwali.. But the essence of it is in our hearts.. Engrained forever.. And as long as you have your loved ones around you.. You can have the best Diwali no matter where you are!

And here is all the tradition Diwali decor I did at home this year before leaving, with a little help from the monkey:

Come join a set of fabulous bloggers sharing their Diwali moments , easy Crafts, DIY ideas, Recipes and book recommendations with you .

Starting from today till Diwali and beyond, each one of us will be writing a post related to Diwali.

Participating blogs

Artsy Craftsy mom . Reading Rabbits Library . Food and fads . Cherish Dream Live . My little Moppet . On-board the Mommyship . Roohi's Collection . Colours Dekor . Bumps n Baby  . Hello Mommyhood . A spoonfull of ideas . CraftIsland .  The Keybunch . ParentingMantras . Whats Cooking Mom . Orange kitchens . Quilts & Quills . Fun Activities for Children . Somethingís cooking . Obsessivemom . The Design Enthusiast . Fantastic Feathers . Little aadi ali

So sit back, relax and check out all the fabulous Diwali Dhamaka posts from the participating blogs in the linky.

An InLinkz Link-up

Link in your Diwali posts here

An InLinkz Link-up

1st trip abroad!

My dream for siddy is for him to travel... I want him to see everything there is to see in this world and experience every kind of experience there is to experience...

The best part is I can be his partner in crime for the first few years... Before it becomes uncool to travel with your parents!!! 

A kids first 'abroad' vacation is a BIG deal. 

We had plans of taking him to Australia last year.. And so we rushed and got his passport made.. But for some reason it didn't materialize...

Dubai was always on the cards.. For two reasons.. Dadima wanted to go there forever.. And two we all wanted a great family vacation which was close by and convenient.... 

So much excitement starting from bag packing, which drove the monkey mad, to catching a cab to the 'international' airport.. 

Mr was all dressed up in his fancy 'Zara' clothes!!! 

Travelling with him is fun... Seeing his excitement for everything is fun...watching him watch new things in awe really makes you look at things differently...

But what's annoying is sometimes you want him to see something or experience something and all his focus is on is something silly (according to you!!) and you try to take his attention away but he refuses!!!   

Patience building never stops!!

The flight was good.. All the way to the hotel the monkey was very well behaved.. He slept thru most of it... Ate his in flight food... Didn't make too much noise or cry or anything... It's a blessing..

He's always been pretty ok on flights but I was worried... From a one and a half hour flight to a two and a half hour.. I wasn't sure he would sit peacefully!! 

But he did!

Our hotel is great.. Each room is a studio apartment... Fully loaded with a microwave, hot plate, percolator and a washing machine!!!! Amazing!! 

The view is awesome and the best part is loads of Indians live around us so there are soooooo many lights out it it doesn't make you miss home! 

We were there for five days and the amount of things we packed in was amazing.. And despite seeing everything (pretty much) there was to see.. We still had a lot of free time on hand... For shopping!!!! 

Bumling thoroughly enjoyed shopping.. We were depaetetly in need of good shoes that fit him and so every mall we went that was all we were looking for initially.. And he loved it.. He would walk into a store and would sit down and point to his shoes and say "Mumma move move"!!!! 

I let him pick his own shoes... And he was thrilled!!! We finally bought two pairs and a pair of slippers!!! I know I know he's too small for slippers.. But oh so cute!!! 

And the clothes we picked up for him were also just adorable! But he didn't much enjoy the clothes shopping.. He didn't care!

But I think he had two favorite parts to this trip.. One was the aquarium in the mall.. I fell in love with it.. He toh must have gone nuts!! 

He's read about fish and we draw fishes and sometimes even see them on TV but to see them live and swimming and in such numbers must have amazed him! 

And we fed the fish too.. It was too cute he would say "Mumma fish khana" 

Sentences people.. The kid is making sentences!!!!! 

And the second was the camel ride in the desert... We did that mad car safari which he hated and howled thru but mostly I think because he had just woken up and couldn't understand why the car was behaving so badly!! However later while playing with his car he was shaking it up and saying "car dhudum dhudum!!!" 

When we reached the dinner place there were six lazy camels... They were huge.. Again he has heard of them read about them sung about them in fact my grandmum has even gifted him a stuffed camel from her trip to Dubai... But to see a real live one so big made him go crazy!!! 

So we took him for a ride on one.. And there was another tied close to ours such that his face was literally resting on my knee and siddy actually reached out to touch him...

No fear!

It was amazing! 

Luckily at all the malls we got him a stroller and granny a wheel chair so that we could actually cover most of the gigantic malls... One time Siddy's stroller was in the shape of a car and the kid went a bit mental!! 

He also had his first experience in a bath tub with bubbles and all and he was thrilled to bits.. Initially he was spooked but once he got a hang of it he loved it.. The kid is a fish I tell ya! 

Over all the trip was fantastic!! We ate lots saw lots.. The city reeks opulence and luxury.. A bit too much for my liking.. I prefer simpler more soul filled places.. But you can't take away from the insane architecture it has.. The skyscrapers of various shapes and sizes .. All lit up and gorgeous... 

For siddy's first trip I couldn't ask for more.. He had his Dadu Dadi Dadima Tau and mommy and daddy for company... He was the center of attraction, the center of all our universes!!! 

That moment ....

That moment in bed when he's all curled up to you and being this adorable little thing...

Looking up at you smiling, running his tiny fingers all over your face and hair ...

Giving you the softest coldest kisses...

Singing twinkle twinkle with you...

And you look at him and think nothing can be cuter in the world ..

And..

Whack..

An elbow in your neck...- knee jammed into your stomach... 

Little fingers have suddenly grown nails that scratch you near your eye..

And you're thinking... No one could be more painful than this kid..

That moment.

The Hair Cut!!

I love siddy's curls they are my favorite thing... Soft and adorable!

And he looks so cute in them..

So when I was told to cut it.. By everyone because the weather is so bad and the poor bumling sweats like a mad dog in his hair ... My heart broke :(

But I knew it had to be done...

I have trimmed his hair in the past.. Just a bit of his fringe and little from the back but nothing major... The first one was a disaster he looked like he'd had the infamous Sadhna fringe!! 

So I didn't have the guts to go ahead and give him a full on haircut.. That's when I decided to go the the guys who give me fab haircuts... Zido salon!

The adorable Zing, took us in despite a packed day because I had just three days in hand before leaving for a long vacation... 

He knew as soon as we reached that there was some thing going on... He's been there before but never reacted like this..

He refused to sit on the chair and clung on to me like a monkey... 

Finally I had to sit and keep him on my lap with the apron around me!!! 

We gave him his iPad and started...

I knew exactly what I wanted and Zing cut it perfectly and in a matter of less than fifteen minutes we were done!! 

Not one sound from the monkey! 

Once we were done and he and I were all brushed up.. I said to him " siddy hair gone" 

So he puts his hand on the back of his head looks a bit confused and repeats " hair gone!!" 

We cut the back out completly almost like a razor cut and left the front and top with his curls.. See he needs his hair to do li that li that no?!!

Li that li that!!!

So there's this thing I love... A lot.

Wheb I'm sleepy or watching TV I love someone ruffling my hair... 

My mum used to do it for me, my masi even my cousin sister used to put me to sleep doing that...

I called it ' li that li that!!' Pronounced 'Li' as in start saying 'like' and stop before 'ke'!!!!!

And once I met Aadi he was my official li that li that doer! 

All thru my pregnancy he put me to sleep doing li that li that...

Every single night pretty much..

Now I don't know if it's a coincidence or what...

But anyone who has met bumling has seen him do li that li that to himself all. the. time! 

Seriously, while having milk while watching TV basically anytime he's in a chiller mood he starts ruffling his hair... 

Which is I why when I recently got it cut i had to be sure not to cut the top too short or how he will do li that li that?!!! 

So is it just a random habit or is it something that's connected deeper? 

I wonder! 

No Competition Here!!

Last month in school they had a mommy and baby day.... 

its was really sweet... all the mommies were there and one daddy and the theme of the day was vegetables.

So we started out with some vegetable printing... that was not easy... he's a messy painter!!!! no sense of what goes where .. just splat splat spread spread color everywhere... and whats worse, he mixed the yellow and green and orange and our painting was this awful mucky color!!

he ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

next they played some games. One was where the kids were given a vegetable like a potato or a lady finger and then they would place more of them all around the room and the kids had to get another of what they had... siddy loved this game... and every time he came back with the right one!

Then came the races... so they placed three potatoes three lady fingers three mini brinjals in a row at regular intervals and the kids had to race to one bring it back to his mum then go for the other and so on and so forth...

Now while the other kids ran around siddy was very excited... then came our turn... we had to get them potatoes...

ready steady go...

and the other two kids go running and what does mine do? he cheers them on... and points to the veggies they have missed!!!!!

not one competitive bone in that little thing!!!

it was really funny... other kids were picking his potatoes and giving them to him and all he did was say thank you to them and turned to smile at me....

and what did i do... smile right back!!!

its adorable you know in a way... that he doesn't go nuts trying to "beat" everyone and thats not even a trait i would want in him... he enjoyed cheering everyone on and well everyone else gave him what he needed so i guess it worked out alright then!!!

I'm sure there is enough time in the world for him to get competitive... but is that really all I want for him?

Nope... i want him to get what he wants... if he wants to win a race then I will encourage him to run faster... but if he thinks its ok to not always win then I will encourage him to do just that...

Competition is healthy... in fact I recently spoke to a friend of mine who didn't put her son in one of these new age schools because they do not encourage sports or any competitive activity... and she wanted her kid to enjoy healthy competition...

But I also know lots of mums who did put their kids there...

So I guess as long as your kid is happy doing what he does... and gets by alright... there really is no reason to push them right...

I mean after all he did get all his veggies right in the first game... that accounts for something!!

Spot us?

Here we are doing our own thing!!

See... See how pretty i was making it...... wish I had a picture of the muck he turned it into!!

Losing me

So that feeling is finally hit me... The 'I'm a mom and nothing else' feeling. 

The 'I'm now stuck for life' feeling

The 'I can't ever be irresponsible and wild and free' feeling

The 'what the fuck have I done' feeling....

It's been creeping up on me fo a while now.... Maybe because I've had a lot of work pressure and not being able to cope without damn near killing myself might have something to do with it.... Sure taking on less work is an option... But it's a tough option...

And it's not just related to work... It's the feeling of being stuck... Of not having an independent thought,... It's a feeling of loosing me myself and my identity.... Somehow just being Siddy ki mummy is seeming a bit suffocating... 

Don't get me wrong and anyone who by now is thinking "what a horrible mom why can't she just leave her work and act like an adult" can please just leave...

This post isn't about me not loving Siddy it isn't about me not being happy to have him in my life it sure as hell isn't about oh my god my career is screwed because I have a kid...

Nope it's just me missing the Alishka I was....missing the free spirit the fun the crazy Alishka I remember...

I don't do silly stuff, I think ten times before I do anything... I don't make random plans to just go out with friends... I don't stay up late watching junk on tv... I'm always just too tired...or I have an early morning,,, the reasons are vague and stupid... But somehow I just don't do things like I did before...

Hell my first doobie happened post Siddy simply because I wanted to do something mad and stupid... Because I felt like a super practical responsible mommy and I wanted to break out of that...

The point isn't to do stupid irresponsible things... The point is to stop myself from loosing me...

I'm sure lots of girls feel this... When everyday revolves around a kid and thier needs... Right from food to changing diapers to entertaining them... You forget yourself .... 

This feeling is natural... And like the post delivery depression I think this low feeling is inevitable when you have a toddler.... Your every though is about him... And by the end of the day you are just so exhausted.... 

Do you know I was searching my phone for a picture of me to put as my profile pic and I couldn't find a single one ... Not one picture of me on my phone... All of the puchka and my work... And any pic of my with him, I look like I have died....

I need a break...even a short break will do... Even a quite cup of coffee at a coffee shop alone with a book will do.... Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow take a short break.. And find myself again, 

First PTA

I didn't care much about PTA's as a kid (Parent Teachers Associations) ... I already knew what my teachers were going to say about me...

I was a naughty kid.. who didn't like studying much... forgot her homework and books and was basically living in her own la la land most of the time!!

My mother already knew these things as well... so there was nothing to be worried....!

But come today... My little pudding's first PTA and I had little knots in my tummy!!

I know he's just 18 months old... I know its not like he's giving exams.... it wasn't anxiety over what the teacher would say... it was just the dawning of the thought that he was old enough to have a PTA in his school!!

My little bumling.... all grown up!

To start with made sure to at least dress up all grown up! You know how often when i look at him I feel somethings not right.. I'm a kid too how the hell do I have a kid? its a bizaare feeling!! So looking grown up was priority.

Then I made up my mind to not think about milestones that the kid should have reached and things he should be doing and saying....

Unfortunately i'm a part of a few mommy groups who every once in a while discuss at what age the kid ought to be doing what... by which month the teeth must come, by which he should stand with no support, by which he should say how many words...

Its stressful to be honest and except for the late teeth (which was most strange because come on, how many grown ups do you know who's teeth never came?!!!!) I have never let myself get drawn into these discussions....

So how ever he was doing at school was good enough for me...

Cut to me sitting in front of his teacher with my mom in law for company and the teacher had this form like a ratings form about a few parameters on which they judge their skills like motor skills and problem solving etc and I see that out of 20 he was good in about 15 and outstanding in about 5 and my heart sank!!!

I know i know its silly and stupid... but for that one instant I felt ... how come he isn't outstanding in more if not all? because his teacher couldn't stop raving about how good he is in class... how interactive he has become since the day he joined... how confident and inquisitive....

Then I looked at him playing with some building blocks and he looked so happy and thrilled with himself... and he looked at me and smiled and picked up a few blocks and came and gave them to me... and I realised that I better not ever get into that zone of pressuring him... of making him feel like he has to achieve certain milestones and get certain grades to be intelligent and smart...

I remember what my mum once told my teacher who was completely putting me down by saying if i didn't "buck up" i would fail in school and later in life and my mum said....

"Don't worry about her... She'll manage just fine"

and look at me today... doing what i love... with a bank of amazing experiences in terms of jobs what more could I want?

and what more can I want for Siddy?

So from here till his very last PTA i will be the chilled out mom... the trusting mom... the one who sees the most potential in her little pudding!

Top Three Annoying Things!!

1. There go my peaceful bathroom days... no more chilling and reading all the rubbish gossip and checking out all the fun clothes in the newspapers....no... now its just answering to an incessant series of knocks interspersed with the very annoying repetitive " mumma mumma mumma mumma mumma mumma" aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!

2.Do any of you have that clingy kid? The one who holds your legs and doesn't let you walk or move in any direction? And there is always that fear of your pants falling.... its bad for that to happen at home but outside... you just want to crawl into a corner and hide..... I don't know how they all know how to do this... do they learn to cling onto their mums from the womb? I mean really.... i see so many kids do this....

and the icing on the cake is when they do it while you are clearing the kitchen at night... so you have this small bowl with a curry filled to the brim because you were too tired to get a bigger bowl and he comes and holds your legs - you don't know whether to save the curry your legs or the kid!!!!

3. Its late, you're tired and you're waiting for him to sleep... but he's running around... suddenly he gets whiney and cranky and you jump for joy and rush to get his milk ready and then for some completely stupid reason you decide to quickly clean up his toys before you put him to sleep... and next thing you know he is WIDE AWAKE and playing again.... he thinks it would be best at 12:00 in the night to build his blocks into a biiiiiiiig tower....more aaaaarrrrggghhh!!

And then of course he does this:

and suddenly he's the most adorable baby in the world...!!!

Big bum yoga

Kids are mean... And honest... I guess...

So somedays when I am all charged up I do yoga... The surya namaskar to be more precise ..

Usually I try to do it when siddy is in school but sometimes he's around...

And the little nakalchi bandar that he is... he imitates me!!

Its adorable to see him do the dog pose.... especially when we both do it and look at each other from under our legs!!!

but whats really funny... well not for me but maybe for you guys and obviously for him...

this one day i was doing my yoga... he was sitting on the sofa watching me.. and as soon as i get into the dog pose he says 

"Biiiiiiiiiiiig Bum!!!!!!!!!!!" 

hmmmmmmm.... yes darling thats why i'm doing the yoga thank you very much. 

The blame game...

If you have seen the video about the lil kid arguing with his mum about cupcakes you know what a pa-pow is...

If not... Well it's a whack on the bum! 

I love siddy's bum and I totally love whacking it! And I love the word pa-pow as does he!! 

So the other day while playing I said 'siddy I'll give you a pa-pow on your bum or what?!'

And he laughed and smacked his own bum!! 

Then we saw my mum quietly doing something in the kitchen .. So I told him go give nene a pa -pow.. 

Excitedly and almost running he went into the kitchen and 'whack' right on her bum!!! 

And he squealed in excitement while she pretended to have got hurt!! 

Now he was charged up.. He ran towards me then ran back and gave her one more smack!!

Again he squealed and she shouted out!!! He was going nuts by now... 

So my mum jokingly said ' who is this monkey that's giving me pa-pows ?!!' 

Guess what he does..

In a second he points towards me saying 'Mumma'!!!!

So not only have we pa-powed nene.. We have happily blamed mum for it!!!!

Baby smells!!!

Have you ever stuck you nose to a baby's cheek and inhaled deeply? 

No?

You should try it someday... It's the most awesome smell ever... And I'm not just talking about the Johnson and Johnson smell... I'm taking about the baby's smell....

It's somehow also one of the most comforting smells...

Even at 19 months Siddy has this amazing baby smell which I love.... And his soft little cheek.. Ah the combination is fatal.. I can give up work or food or anything for it! 

Because once you get that whiff all you want to do is cuddle and snuggle with the little munchkin for the rest of the day!

All you want is to keep kissing him and hugging him and sniffing him like some drug!! 

Go smell a little munchkin today and tell me what you think!