Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Kids to Parents to Kids...

I look at Sid some days and I can't even believe the love I feel for him.... Nothing and no one till date has made me feel such an intense mad crazy passionate love..... I feel like I could walk thru fire for him... I could come between a falling building and him.... I could.... Literally do anything for him....

It's a pure but not very simple love.... It's got layers and layer and layers of emotions intertwined in it! 

You want to protect him from everything... You want him to never get hurt… physically or emotionally… but on the other hand you want him to not always get everything so easy that he takes it for granted…

You want to teach him to be a good person… a nice guy… but not too nice that he gets pushed over… You want him to be strong and independent and yet you want to cushion his every fall….

Being a parent just makes you into mush!!!

You see your little baby and all you want is his full and complete attention… You want him to run to you in a crowd, you want to be the one to wipe his tears and make him smile… and if someone were to ask me ten years later, twenty years later, hell…. fifty years later would you feel just as much love for him… of course I would!!

He's my baby after all…. my little bundle of love!

So then it gets me to think… thats exactly how my mum must still feel about me today! How Aadi's dad must feel about him….

And how every time we fight with our parents and scream horrible stuff at them, tell them we don't love them, tell them they are mean and hateful parents…. now i realise how terrible it must sound and yet how easily they forgive us.

Because there is no way that I could ever want something bad for Sid, no way I would not worry about him when he comes late at night (when he does!!!!)…. he could be fifteen or twenty five or forty… but he would always be my baby!

I suppose the key is to find that balance or understanding at each stage in life… today a baby, tomorrow a teenager and then an adult…. but to still love them with that unconditional love and yet keep that distance of an understanding parent.

Its a tricky situation.

More often than not our parents, maybe because of the age gap or the more conservational up bringing they have had, find it more difficult to understand that while the kid is growing up they need to change their thinking pattern too…No twenty five year old guy is going to appreciate being treated like a thirteen year old boy and no eighteen year old girl is really going to listen to her mum!!! But what we kids forget as we grow older is that we were not just the most important things to our parents when we were little, we will always be forever.

I think its a never ending process…. our parents at some time outgrew their parents.. and fell in love with us…. but we outgrew them and fell in love with ours… who will eventually outgrow us!!

Its just good to be aware that this happens… and that its ok. The only way to deal with it that I think makes sense, is it to let it happen and not fight it. If you fight your kid…. he will leave… and today unfortunately its become so easy- get a job rent a flat with your friends and you are out.

And at the same time remember that you will out grow your parents… but that doesn't mean you just leave them… Can't stay with them? Get them a place next to yours… the next flat, the next building….. close enough for your kids to play with them and for the occasional lunches and dinners and if and when they feel unwell… but far enough to not fight over trivial things!!

Being a parent makes you a better child I think… it makes you appreciate your parents more… the things they did for you (still do!!!)… the good and the bad… and that just helps you be a better parent…. you try to not push your kid too much if you've been pushed or you won't molly coddle your kid if thats what your mum did to you!

So either ways… I think having a baby… continuing this circle of life…. makes you a better person!

Monday, 16 December 2013

Travelling with the Bumling Part two!

So now I'm happily settled into my seat... More like my own private row!

And it was surrounded by kids... In the row next to mine there was a little girl (lets say Maya) around two with her parents, behind her were two little boys, 18 months (Bob) and four year old (Charlie) with their parents and in front of her a little baby boy (Rajput Baba) around bumlings age with his mum and ayya.

Once settled I realized I had to make Sid his milk... so I happily pressed the button for the air hostess... I had recently watched English Vinglish and remembered how Amitabh tells Sridevi to shamelessly press the button and call the air hostess for anything.... So I did!! And they were more than happy to hold bumling while i made his milk!

Then i got his cotton out, put it in his ears ten times because he removed it nine times!! Rajput Baba's mum asked for some since she had forgotten...!

Captain announced for take off... but suddenly Sid had no interest in the milk.... So i gave him his soother, of which he chewed every part except for what he had to.... luckily the take off was smooth and he seemed ok!

Maya was a full cranky tantrumy little baby.... and made me feel like the old days when i traveled a happy single girl who would get annoyed with tantrumy kids.... but now that I had a baby... i simply sympathized with her parents...!

Bob was a noisy fellow too.... but his parents seemed far more in control .... and would keep entertaining him and feeding him....And Charlie was super interested in coming by to see Sid!!

Sid and Rajput Baba were chilling and doing thier own thing...

But I was super confused... because he usually just knocks out on flights... I had full plans on eating a sandwich drinking an appy fizz.... munching on some nuts and reading my book!!! Yes... very imaginative positive mind I have!!

However Sid had his own plans! He was in full masti mood.... he played with the bag they keep to..well get sick in!! He played with their magazine... an empty bottle, the seat belt, scratched against the glass... looked out into the sky, found that boring!! tried to pull off that fabric thing, they place on the seat head rests, in front of us...made me change from my window to middle seat so as not to annoy the man sitting on that seat...........!!

At one time he got a little cranky but refused to have his milk, so i took him to where the air hostesses are hoping I could rock him to sleep.... and also so that I could do all i have mentioned earlier!! He nearly slept.... eyes were super heavy... but the girls came back with their cart and he woke up :( so I gave up!

All I managed to get from the cart were some yummy cashew nuts.... which I hid from him and ate!! Gave him the colorful box they came in though!

After a point, for some reason which was surprising in an afternoon flight, they dimmed the lights.... which made bumling sleepy.... I think he was tired so he took the mulmul fabric I gave him rubbed it onto his face and happily knocked out!!

AAAhhhhh!!! What a feeling....!

I think Maya's mother wanted to kill me!! Because by now Maya was fully upset about something.. and was shreiking and kicking away in her fathers arms... he tried walking around with her but she didnt give in... At one time I even noticed, she had climbed onto the seat and was peering at Bob and Charlie... and when Charlie looked at her she raised her hand at him like she would hit him.... but luckily Charlie's dad saw her and pulled him away... rather than creating a scene, he simply showed her his angry eyes till she sat down...

This really made me think... I could see her parents try real hard to calm her... they gave her her milk... some cookies... they tried cajoling her , shouting at her even giving her a little whack on her bum.... but she just woudn't stop behaving badly. At one point when Sid was sleeping and she was screaming her mother looked at me with a very embarressed look and apologetic eyes... I simply smiled my best sympathetic smile...

What makes kids behave so badly? I think its when you give in to their every demand... and suddenly when it suits you you don't want to... I'm sure at home when she throws a fit they must be giving her what she wants because maybe both are working and its easier for them, maybe they weren't ready for a baby but had her since they did get pregnant.... it could be a number of reasons... but I think if your baby is cranky and throws tantrums, you have to get to the cause of it... because as ok as it might seem at home, in public... its the worst thing.

I really did feel bad for Maya's parents... till Sid woke up... then i was a bit mad!!! I was hoping he would at least sleep through the landing.... also because I had managed to read my book and eat all my cashews in peace!!

Anyway, once again i tried feeding him but he was just not interested.

He was fresh as a daisy and wanted to look around at everyone....Me on the other hand, I hate landings, so I was a little freaked again.... I held him tight and got ready for it..............

Smooth sailing!! He didn't even flinch!! He was so busy with a chewy toy I had given him.... that he didn't even realize we had landed!!

As always the whole aircraft started standing up before the gates could open... I have never understood that... why are people in such a hurry... it takes time for them to adjust the stairs... the luggage is still to be taken... why would you stand for twenty minutes?? Its this 'me first me first' attitude.... grrrrrrrr! I always sit peacefully till the last person has left....

But since I was in the eighth row and I had only one knapsack I decided to get off earlier... I did stand because Sid was getting super fidgety.... and oh boy... the kid went nuts.... he looked at each and every person and laughed at them... this one business man in his dark glasses and nose in his smart phone, actually had to give up his phone and play with Sid because he actually started shouting out for him!!! It was super cute and a bit embarresing!!

Maya's mum and Rajput Baba's mum also played with the little funny tot!! While stepping out the pilot smiled at him and he smiled right back!!

As soon as I got down, I went straight to a crew member and asked for my pram. A porter got it... so I asked him only if I needed help with my luggage would there be someone at the conveyor belt, he offered to come himself :)

So I put bumling into the pram which we carried into the bus.... here as well he kept smiling at an aunty and reaching out to shake her hand!

The porter helped my with all my luggage and strolled it out with me all the way to my brother's car and even helped the driver put it in the car!!

So no fear mommies.... between the airline staff and the airport staff... no one will let a single mommy go through any trouble...

1. Assistance is seriously all around, even if you don't ask someone will ask you. 

2. If you go early and smile (!!) your hand baggage could be taken into check in free of charge.

3.Carry the pram it really helps during feeds... and going from check in to security check in to boarding gate you'll need it... the only, only thing is the going to the loo bit.... but well what you going to do?!! So like me, trust the pretty air hostess and run and run back!!!

4. Carry lots of toys for the baby for the flight in case he decides not to sleep. And his food.... Feeding during take of and landing is the best. 

5. And most importantly if your baby is uncomfortable and cranky, IGNORE the angry looks from all the people around you... Your baby is the only important thing.... If you stay calm he will stay calm... Walk with him, sing to him... Just make him feel good :) 

And have lots of fun with him!! I played and played with the bumling till he got sleepy...! 

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

Traveling with the bumling!!! Part one!

So this time the plan was for me to go ahead and Aadi to follow..... I was sooooo happy to be going to Bombay, i just jumped around screaming "yes yes yes" without really thinking! 

He said "baby are you sure you'll be ok?" 

"Ya ya... What's there? He sleeps thru the flight.... So I'll be fine" 

"Ok.... ... So should I book?" 

"Ya ya" shrugging my shoulders and walking around the room all like whatever!!!!! 

Two days before the flight and I still hadn't packed... That's not me... I'm the kind who pulls out her suitcases a week before.. Makes lists... Starts putting things in.... Makes more lists!!! 

It was my mother in laws birthday the day before my flight... So I was happily celebrating (read- eating like a pig!!! I mean Chinese to bring in the birthday, South Indian do the birthday lunch, chicken curry for dinner!!!) 

Anyhow, I start packing one day before... And I freak the hell out!!! 


How was I thinking even that this was possible? I mean I'm allowed 15 kgs check in and 7kgs hand baggage, plus the bumlings 7kg only in hand luggage... Also I wanted to carry the pram so that I could put him in it for when I fed him at the airport.... 

Super duper stress has dawned on me..... 

Aadi tried so much to make me feel better, helped me pack all my bags and rearrange stuff and promised to carry anything I couldn't take (like my sketch books and colors, sid's baby book) 

But I was still all nerves! 

So I put up a post to some of my favorite mommies.... The first moms club on facebook!!!! And the quick replies I got... The encouragement, the support, the tips and tricks of flying alone with your baby.... It really boosted my confidence... 

Now I was ready to go....

I finally had like two suitcases, one 14kgs check in and one 7 kgs hand carry and one napsack of about 7-8 kgs hand carry... I prayed and prayed they would take away my hand carry suitcase...And guess what... They did!!!!!!

Suddenly it felt like a whole burden(literally) was off my shoulders. 

Post security check in, we sat right next to the gate... Him in his little pram looking like a doll and me starting at him thinking wow... We can totally do this!!! 

We had about an hour till the flight... I decided to feed him his custard half and your before so his tummy would be full and he would have his milk at take off and knock off!!! 

The whole flight pretty much boarded while my bumbling ate his meal and watched them! 

Then suddenly I got a call from nature... And I freaked again... Oh my God... How am I supposed to go to the loo?? I can't take him in, for one the loos are small and two... I've never gone to the loo with Sid around!!!! Just seemed weird! 

After thinking and over thinking and thinking some more, all the while my bladder threatening to burst... I went up to the ground staff girl who was checking the passengers in, and requested her to watch him in his pram while I went and came,.. Poor girl was so confused and hesitant but didn't know how to say no... And before she could I turned and ran to the loo.. Yes ran... Like a eight year old let loose!!!

Finally we board, we're the last one.. Really we are the absolute last ones!! 

I fine my seat, the air hostess helped with my napsack and guess what? The two seats next to my window seat.... EMPTY!!! 


Sid wasnt interested in his milk, which I made by calling an air hostess to hold him while I did it... I think I finally remembered Amitabh's dialogue in English Vinglish... Where he tells Sridevi to press the button to call the air hostess shamelessly!!!! 

Anyway, so I give him a soother which he keeps throwing..... And next thing I know we have taken off!!! 

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

Sleep patterns...

I have a friend who is a relatively new mom... Her bumling is now three months. 

When I went to visit her maybe three weeks post delivery, she looked like a mess!! And all she could ask me was when will his sleep pattern get set!! 

At three weeks she was already going crazy with the mad sleeping schedules of a baby! 

When Sid was born, he was up a number of times at night... Every two hours actually, but I was very lucky that he would simply have his milk and knock back to sleep. He never was so awake that I had to rock him to sleep, neither did he cry when he woke up... So it was easy. 

By the fourth month he started getting up every three or four hours... His pattern was kind of set, he'd sleep by eleven wake at two and then again at six or seven. It was good.... 

And by the sixth month, I was blessed with a all nighter baby!!! He knocks out around eleven thirty - twelve and wakes at seven in the morning... That too if I put him into our bed and pat him sometimes he sleeps off again for another hour, hour and a half!!! 

I've heard of horror stories of babies and their lack of a sleep pattern. Babies who wake up crying or who wake up and are fully awake wanting to play. Babies who sleep for only an hour and then are up and again sleep for half an hour and wake up. It can be super taxing on anybody. 

Someone once told me that for the baby it was like a jet lag... They get so used to sleepin in our tummies during the day when we are out and about... And dancing around at night when we are relaxed and lying down... So now for them to switch their schedule it's not easy ....

You can help them create a schedule. 

1. Fix a time in the afternoon and night which are sleep times andkeep them constant.

2. Feed him a good heavy meal around twelve. 

3. Then change his diaper, if you generally use cloth nappies, use a pampers diaper for this... A baby who's nappy gets wet is not going to sleep peacefully!!

4. Next take him to your room..put him in his bed with a blanket.. This way he starts associating his bed and blanket with sleeping. Another thing is to take him away from people, because when every one keeps playing with him he will refuse to sleep. 

5. Play some soft music, or sing lullabies or just talk to him real softly.. Tell him stories.. Anything which is slightly repetitive... This usually works with Sid... The days singing doesn't help.. I simply say the words 'potato tomato papita banana!!!!!!' Random I know but some days it works like a charm!!!!! 

6. Don't be too hung up on rocking your baby to sleep... Let him do it himself... What I try to do with Sid is I walk around with him singing songs, and when he's semi asleep I put him in his bed... And he tosses and turns a little but he eventually knocks out. This was honestly Aadi's method... But it works... Not always... And you have to have more patience for it... But it's a good habit you know. 

7. Also make the room cozy... Draw the curtains, put on a small lamp, have the ac or heater on for some noise. Most babies need some white noise... I remember when winter hit and we stopped using the ac, poor bumling found it very difficult to sleep.. And we were so confused... Till we realized it was because of the silence... So we brought out the heater and put it on and ha ha... It was a snooze fest post that!!! 

The thing is... A number of things will keep distracting your baby when you're putting him to sleep... Sometimes bumling is semi asleep and suddenly he will notice some button on my shirt and will start fiddling with it and sleep is out of the picture!! 

Just be patient... Take turns with your hubby, because some days are just damn exhausting when your putting him to sleep...  Especially if you are super sleepy!!!! 

This one night... Aadi and I were exhausted and Sid would just not sleep... He walked with him then I walked... I sang a song then Aadi hummed.... But nothing... We left him on our bed with toys... We left him in his bed with his blanket... Wide awake!!!! And we were so so so sleepy that after getting grumpy with each other we reached a point where we just started laughing!!!!!  

So patience patience patience.. That's the key to a sleeping baby!!!! 


Years ago, someone, not a pundit, but some one who could read palms had told me that I would have a miscarriage first and then a boy. 

In February 2012, I missed a period and was ecstatic!!  Clearly I had forgotten all about this "prediction" or whatever and I was jumping for joy. 

I told Aadi all excited and super happy, we secretly went and visited a gynac and got me started on my meds. 

There was a wedding in the family, Aadi's first cousin sister who is really close to him. So we decided to not share the news during the wedding as it would not be fair on her. It was her day after all!!! 

So we pushed off to Delhi for her wedding. Somehow Aadi convinced his parents that we would go by train, since we read it was the safest way for a preggie girl to travel. ( not sure that is entirely true though) 

During the pre wedding celebrations, I was extra careful. I tried to not jump around too much or dance too much. I didn't attend all the fun parties at night because I would be tempted to drink!!!!

It wasn't easy as most of the cousins were there and a wedding of such a close sister, it's difficult to not be a part of the masti :( 

I'm sure everyone thought I was being a big party pooper!!! 

But what was getting tough was lying to Aadi's mum. She of course couldn't understand why I wasn't dancing on every song for the sangeet, which I usually would do!!! So before she started thinking that i was being all stuffy and uppity!! We decided to tell her. 

So we bought a baby bottle and handed it to her!!! Oh she was so so so happy she had tears in her eyes!!!! Funnily my mum was there as well for the wedding, so we told her also! 

From then on it became easier for me too avoid too much dancing and stuff. 

But something deep inside me wasn't ok.  I knew at some point something was not right. 

Luckily there was a clinic below our guest house. I remember telling Aadi that something didn't feel right and I wanted to get a sonography done. 

So we went down and got one done, but there was no heart beat. The doc said it was fine, because he could see the little foetus, and sometimes, if it's too soon, or the heartbeat is too soft, it doesn't come up in the test. 

I went thru the rest of the wedding in a trance of sorts, because like I said I just knew something was off. 

My heart was just not in the celebrations. 

We came back to Jaipur, my brother came to visit. By then I had had another sonography and there was just no heartbeat. 

Finally the doc said, that 'it' would have to be removed. 

Now I knew there was no heartbeat which meant that whatever it was, it wasn't a real baby. It had no hands and feet, no eyes no ears. It was just a group of cells, dead cells actually. 

It was a simple straight forward operation. Took all of twenty minutes and I was home by evening. 

But a piece of my heart had broken that day. 

I don't think any logic works for us women. Heartbeat or no heartbeat, I had felt pregnant... I had felt that I had inside me my own precious little thing. And while everyone told me it was nothing, I knew it was something. 

Nothing melodramatic followed, luckily being me, I dropped those emotions as quickly as I had had them. 

For me, things that hurt me, I don't get rid of, I keep them inside me, to help me grow, to help me learn, to help me understand people and life a little better. But I don't wallow in those emotions and thoughts, I don't let them make me angry and hate doesn't take over.

So I took this incident, along with a trip to Bombay and Bali!!! And I moved on. 

In a few months, once again I would miss my period. Once again I would feel that I had in me something that was more precious than anything in this entire universe.... this time, when I heard that heartbeat, I can't even tell you the emotions that ran thru my entire body like a current!! 

And here he is.... My little heartbeat!!! 

Ps: this person had also told me what I would have next, a boy or a girl, but for the life of me I can't seem to remember!!!!

Pps: a lot of people are super superstitious about miscarriages... They tell you to not speak of them but I think otherwise. I think of how it helps you appreciate and be grateful for when you are blessed with a little bumling.