The right time.....

Of course there are days when I wish I wasn't a mom .. More like I wish I had no responsibility and boy what a responsibility a kid is!!! 

When I don't  have to wake at the slightest sounds or worry about how many packets of diapers are there in the drawer or packing away old clothes that don't fit and removing new ones I have saved as per size!!! 

Of course I wish I could just head out and party with my friends.. Come home drunk!! Or go for movies and not be counting on the hours I've been out because I need to be home for his next meal.... 

I meet so many mums and talk about babies and parenting... And most of the times I know they are thinking "Please no one can be that positive and that happy about having a kid" because I will always be the one with positive inputs... I always say "yes it's exhausting and tiring and sometimes really overwhelmingly... But it's a great fun and funny experience" (yes I said funny... Have you looked at a baby's face while he poops?!!!) 

I usually avoid the negatives because I feel that it's what most women and guys are thinking about... 

So I try to be a devils advocate.... But here it is: 

There are days I wish I could wake up free. 

There I said it! It is binding having a bumling some days... It takes away from a 'normal' life.... The romance in your relationship will get hit pretty damn bad unless you actively work on it.... Remember you will also die of guilt when you get this thought... The way I did a few sentences earlier!!!! And it's this absolutely retarded emotion of guilt that will make you think you're a horrible mother or will take you to the other extreme where you will "sacrifice" your life for your kid and grow to regret him and everything later....

So stop right there...  Know that being aware and admitting to the feeling is really step one. 

And my step two usually is to think of why I had Sid. And I remember that this was all planned. 

Everything in my life I have done, I have done because I have strongly believed it was the right time. 

Most people who know me well will tell you that I am pretty sorted like that... When it was time to get into a serious relationship I did... When it was time to get married I did... And when it was time to have a bumling ... I did. 

So because of this maybe I am able to stay more positive about the experience of motherhood... Because I'm at the right age (according to myself)....  Mentally and physically I was ready to have a baby. 

I think it's when you have them too early, too late that's when the trouble comes. Or if either of the two are not ready... Then it will seem like an uphill task.. Your life will seem like is taken a turn for the worse....

But for me now, sleepless nights or controlled Saturday night partying... Both may suck royally every once in a while... And for the days I just want to scream out loud in frustration... I take a deep breath, put my chin up,smile and tell my self "I can deal with it! All of it... Because this was what I wanted." 

Stress point: Want your baby before you have him or her. Talk about things openly with your partner... Give each other a hundred percent consent before going ahead. Having a baby will change your life... But positively or negatively it's up to you! 

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Getting so big!!

Everyday he gets bigger... And everyday he becomes a little more of his own person! 

He doesn't just grow in size... He grows up. 

He will not lie down at all anymore... No no.. The bumling must always sit... Worse, when he wants to stand at all times... So no matter if you're at the dinner table or trying to watch something on tv or just plain exhausted.. You have to hold his hands while he balances to stand!!! 

He just doesn't fit in my lap anymore... I have to lay him down in bed with his head on my lap to feed him his milk... And now that we are on solids... He has his very own chair that he sits on to be fed... Such a big boy....! 

Another bag of clothes that are too small to fit has been made... Little rompers.. Small socks... Things he just started wearing maybe a month ago but has outgrown!!

But it's not just these physical changes that I get amazed by... It's the growing up.. The becoming his own little person that never ceases to amaze me! 

How when he's hungry now he will let me know... He will climb onto me and smack his lips or make this funny sound that I know now means food.. Somedays he even says mummum.... (Which I secretly think of as him calling out to me!!!!)

And when he's done eating he will turn his head and press his lips shut! 

When he's done potty he will make this sound that both Aadi and I know only too well!!!

When he sees me after a while he lets me know he has missed me... 

He's reacting and acting and showing a whole range of grown up emotions I didn't think I would see in an eight month old... Like when he's banging on a table and if you do the same... He will literally hold your hand and move it aside and then continue banging!!! 

I mean seriously... How soon do you want to grow up bumbles pie?!!!!! 

Falling in love... With hands!!!

I fell in love with Aadi because he had really good looking hands... Sexy hands even!!!! 

Some people may laugh but I'm sure a few will get it! 

He has lovely hands... Long fingers and a big palm... And when he holds my hand it feels amazing... I feel secure and loved!

Now I have fallen in love with a whole new pair of hands.... Soft pudgy and oh so so cute!!! 

Long fingers like his daddy but still so small... And the way he keeps moving them like he is exploring the world with them...

But this time I hold the little hands and make him feel secured and loved! 

Of course nothing in the world is better than watching my two boys.. The little one clapping his tiny little hands on the big one's palm!!! 

I started writing this post when I saw Aadi feeding bumling and bumling was resting his hand on Aadi's!! 

And by the time I was done writing... He was sitting staring at his hands!!!

Ha ha !! 

Of course eventually it has to go into the mouth!!!! 

But I really really wonder what his thoughts are as he stares down at his little fingers and adorable hands!!!! 

All I can think is ... I just want to kiss them!!! 

Feeling needed?

I'm not sure if it's the best or worst thing of being a mother but here it is: that feeling of being needed by someone all the time. It's such a high! 

When I walk into a room and I see bumling's eyes light up and a small cry followed by a big smile.... 

When he wakes from his sleep and looks around for me...

When he finishes his shower and I pick him up....

When I bring his food to him and he opens his mouth.... Big round eyes looking up at me....

Each and every time, each and everything I know he needs me for. Changing him, cleaning him, feeding him, putting him to sleep, kissing all boo boos away, hugging him when he's woken in the middle of the night.... He needs me... 

And that feeling makes me feel special. 

Knowing that you're the only one who can make him feel secure, the only one who can make him stop crying, who can put him to sleep in minutes... Small things but they make you feel like a supermom!! 

I think this is one of the reasons women are very happy to have more kids.. Once the older one outgrows this need , they miss it so much, they want another one to be dependent on them.

It is also the reason, when the kid turns fifteen and wants his space, that there are fights or feelings of abandonment from the mother's side... 

So while it feels great when they are little it's very important to not live on that high of having someone so dependent on you that later you feel lost. 

Do for your kids, wholeheartedly, but know that one day his need for you for these small things, silly things, will be gone. 

He will grow up to be his own person, but up until then... Enjoy that little bumling's complete and utter dependence on you!!! Ha ha!!! 

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Disciplining at eight months?

So last night we took Sid out for dinner with some friends, to a really fancy place. We make him sit on the table and hand him a little chewy to keep him occupied while we talk and suddenly bam.... He throws his toy down and looks around at us.

We laugh it off, give him the toy back, and yet again he throws it and gives us a cheeky smile... We try again and I say "throwing is a no no" but no no he throws it again.... 

Hmmmmmmm...

Reminded me of this one time we had all gone to another restaurant when Sid was too tiny for anything, and there was this kid, maybe four or five, who started throwing a tantrum. So much so he damn near threw and broke a plate from the table, he banged the forks and spoons on the plates and shouted out loud, till his dad had to literally pick him up and take him out. 

So when Sid started doing that I immediately took the toy away, and he was sent for a walk with his dad. 

I think no kid is too small to learn to behave himself. He may not have completely comprehended the situation, but just the fact that his toy was taken away, I hope helps him develop this thought, eventually, that he can't throw them around. 

A lot of people I speak to say don't keep saying no to your kid, he'll grow up with a negative feeling to everything blah blah... And I never argue, I just smile and nod! 

Yes, you can't say no to your kid for everything, but if you want to discipline them, they need a word that signifies that what they are doing is wrong. No is simple and easy and clear. 

Man raising a good well behaved kid needs a lot of work and a lot of patience! And as they grow up, and start understanding things and (god help) start back answering.... Wow!! 

Hope I can do this right!!

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Bubbles burst....

So I didn't catch every gig...

I didn't drink myself silly...

I didn't go there lay on the grass and looked up at the sun when the sun was setting...

I didn't sleep till late in the morning....

I didn't do pre event  partying.....

I didnt do many of the things I had wanted to do... Or thought I would do. 

This trip, won't call it a vacation it really wasn't, was not exactly what I had in mind. 

What I had in mind was a vacation. A time to just put my feet up, let my hair down, feel... well responsibility - less. 

I live in a bubble world of my own I think sometimes. I imagine that there is nothing I can't do.. And then try and do everything even if it nearly damn kills me... And the end result is ... It kills me. 

Sid was to stay with my mum at my masi's place. They were to come for a day because my mum is a big music lover, but she decided to join us for two days of the festival which meant Sid would be there as well. 

While I wasn't prepared for but would never refuse. One thing I have learnt in the last two months is that he is my kid my responsibility, and I would never take anyone else for granted to look after him at the cost of what they want to do just so I can do what I want to do.

 

How ever it did left me with a eight month old at a festival. I was prepared to have them for one day.. And that day was great. Mum had fun, Sid had fun..I had fun.

But the second day was just tooooo exhausting. He wasn't as happy being there... It rained...  The banana I carried got squashed.... It was mad! 

I guess somewhere I was wrong. Maybe once you have a kid things do change. I so strongly wanted to believe that I could handle anything with Sid, that I could lead my life just the way I wanted to without stressing out... But I was stressed. By the last day night, I was stressed. 

Pushing his pram on the gravel, constantly sticking cotton in his ears, making sure he was eating on time, drinking lots of water, keeping him away from speakers and smokers....driving to the venue getting on the shuttle, baby bags and pram included, tough tough tough. 

But in the monkey's defence he is just the sweetest baby ever. Calm and happy.... Not once did he cry out, not once did he get angry. He slept in the pram one day and in the baby jacket another. He danced with me on my favorite Raghu dixit song... Passed out to dualist inquiry!! 

But nope... Don't think I could do it again. But what's the alternative.. I don't want to leave him with anyone... Because tomorrow I never want anyone to tell me "oh you're out partying while your child is with us" and if taking him is so exhausting... I guess it does mean we miss out on these things till he's grown up a bit. 

I guess my bubbles burst. 

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Party days are over? Naaaah!!!!

It's been a while because a lot has been happening... And I just haven't had the time/ patience to write a post!!! 

Work has started and maids have changed... Plus we are in Bombay on our way to Pune so you know... It's just been chaotic!!

As always something sparks off my posts right... So the other day I met a friend who is much older with a teenage son, and she says to me "So your party days are over huh? 

And I looked at her, a hundred mean cocky shocked replies going thru my head, but I politely said "Well ya, but we are going for this music festival in Pune on the weekend.. So it's not so bad actually" 

She looked shocked and probably had a hundred things going thru her head, but also politely said " oh good good!" 

I mean seriously, I know it's not going to be the easiest weekend of my life but I'm going to give it my best shot. 

I have booked a hotel right next to my masi's place where my sweetheart mum is staying with my baby boy, and she has booked a ticket to the fest so she can come the days we take him, I have brought along his pram and the baby jacket to put him into, my brother is coming, his girlfriend's gonna be there, my best friend (also a fantastic baby sitter people) so I think I've got it covered!! 

Aadi recently found out that the festival organizers even provide ear muffs for little bumlings!! 

Maybe I may not be able to be the free bird I used to be... But isn't that just a state of mind? 

I have always felt, when people told me that a baby will bind you, your life as you know it will be over, I never took them seriously. 

I believe that especially with a baby, you should continue to lead your life the way you did, and make him a part of it (well maybe not if getting super high was your scene!!!) but ya... Go out for dinners with your friends, movies, long drives anything and everything... And maybe you might not be able to have a reckless lifestyle, maybe you'll rethink that bunjee jumping or sky diving (doesn't mean you don't do it) but then those are small things compared to that kid.. That silly funny looking kid who looks upto you for everything. 

Aadi and I love music, loved the nh7 weekender the last time we were there and we want to take Sid to experience something we love... I want music to be a very strong very influential part of his life... And the sooner it starts the better right?!!

So fingers crossed... Full if positivity and we are off!!! 

Music with an eight month old!

Having a baby changes so many things... 

The funniest change I have found in my life is the change in the tunes I hum!! 

As a kid the first band I fell in love with was Take That!!! I knew every song word for word..... Then I want thru all the now embarrassing boy bands!!!! 

Moved on to the much sexier and amazing Dave Mathews band and matchbox twenty.... And that entire genre...

Till I found Fun and One Republic and Mumford and Sons!!! 

But lately it's been wheels on the bus go round and round.... Old mac Donald's and my own silly made up songs that I find myself humming...

That too without Sid being around... So I'm brushing my teeth and singing it in my head, or walking around the house and humming it out loud!!!!! 

I literally have to stop myself and start humming a real song!!! In fact so often when I need a distraction for Sid while feeding him, I make him listen to Fun or Lenka, who is his favorite, on my phone...:) ha ha!!! 

Hopefully he'll grow up with good taste in music!!!! Just so long as I don't grow old singing nursery rhymes!!!! 

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