Friday, 3 January 2014

Nuclear or joint upbringing?

I'm not really one to compare kids... I also believe that parenting is one of those things where no matter what you do you'll always get it right and no matter what you do you'll always get it wrong!!!

But recently I've met some kids from a nuclear family and noticed a certain sense of independence and risk taking that the babies have that I feel missing in bumbling…. I'm not necessarily sure its only because of the joint family and too many eyes on him thing … but I have definitely felt it. 

Since its impossible for a mum to keep an eye on the kid 24/7, the kid will experiment jumping off the bed or eating a raw potato as opposed to a kid form a joint family where someone or the other is watching over them all the time… a little too much in fact. 

Like at my place, if bumbling even so much as reaches two feet from the edge of the bed someone has already caught hold of his feet and dragged him back to the middle… or if he sticks his little hand out to Mylo who licks it, at least three people will jump to shoo Mylo away and get a wipe to clean his hand :( 

Everyone was always uncertain to put him on the floor, including me, its dirty, too many people walking around with shoes and of course Mylo's hair is all over the place… the poor kid only had a big bed as his play space….

This is my least favourite thing… he didn't get to explore things… so here in Bombay I just let him loose!!

I left him on the floor the first day and gave him his toys… Honestly he was confused!! For the first ten minutes he just kept looking at my mum and me wondering when we would pick him up!!! So I sat next to him and started playing with his toys… slowly he joined in and eventually he loved it!!

Next thing I know he's all over the place…he crawls behind me when i go from one room to another…. He loves visiting the kitchen and sits on the platform by the window while we make his food…. He's even started cruising…. which is a new term I learnt… its basically when the baby stands holding on to something and then moves along to the next thing…. its amazing to watch him do that….

The best part is that I think instinctively babies are so so careful… he takes his time when he's cruising… both hands on the first chair then slowly he lets go of one and places it on the other chair… but before he lets go the second hand he thinks about it like then times!!! 

yes he fell once or twice or thrice…. boom and bang flat on his diaper cladded bum…. once or twice on his side… he cried and howled and I rubbed his head a distracted him with the hundred million things in my mum's house… and next thing I know he's trying it all again!!

I think babies cry more out of the shock…the sudden bang they get, not so much because of the pain…. so its short-lived but still a pretty loud cry!! 

What I do know for a fact though is just how much bumling has fallen in love with his this new independence… And I'm sure even in Jaipur he will be out and about… but the only difference is I'm going to let him be more free… I'm going to ask everyone to watch him but from a distance… I don't want to instil a sense of fear in him every time he is doing something… and thats what I feel happens when there are too many people watching the kid… He'll never get close enough to things to understand that they are not good for him… or that they are amazing either… 

However… the thing about joint family babies is that they get used to having lots of people around them… they will happily go to everyone and not cry (well not always at least!!) and this i've noticed in kids from nuclear families that they are just so super attached to their parents that they refuse to be with anyone else… and that goes for the parents as well.. While I will happily leave my bumling with Aadi's parents or my mum or brother… nuclear family parents get super clingy to their kids…they have trusting issues. 

Its so important to let your kids be with your parents… its something your parents have been wanting since forever and you get some time off which is super important…. Today Aadi and I were able to party new years night till 4:00 am simply because bumling loves sleeping with his nani…  He spends hours with her during the day and is so comfortable with her now and he doesn't cry… hell when we leave apparently he doesn't even look for us in the house anymore…..grrrrrrrr!!!!

But no thats a good thing!

But I guess nuclear or joint if as a mum you understand these things you will start creating the atmosphere you want your kid to grow up in one way or another… whether it is removing the kid gloves or trusting your parents more… whatever it takes to have a healthy happy baby you will do it. 

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