What do I remember from the first day?!

What do I remember from the first day? 

I remember being woozy... In my head.. Like everything was happening to someone else... Like I was watching someone else... I couldn't feel much ... 

I distinctly remember being scared in the OT .. Freaking out... All those doctors and equipment... The next thing I remember is opening my eyes and seeing Aadi.. And he said " it's a boy" 

I smiled.. But I don't think it registered... I was so zonked.... and tired... My whole body felt exhausted....

Then I remember being in the room.. Everyone asking me how I was.. I still hadn't seen him.. They all had..

"he's adorable... He's so cute" 

I don't know... 

And then they got him in... I could see this rolled up burrito like thing come in...But then I saw granny and I told the nurse to give him to her first .... her smile... My God, her face light up.... this was her great grandson.... what a feeling that must be...

Then they got him to me...

ET!

my very own little ET!!!

scrunched up little face... tiny as anything.... but that nose was distinctly mine...!!

and they put him down next to me... I was still not allowed to sit up... so we lay there the two of us.... wonder if we realised then how big a deal this all was.... how strong this bond is going to be... how important this relationship will be...Nope I think we both were to zonked for such deep thoughts!!

All I could think then was... he's so tiny and he's all mine...this little thing... all mine!!! ( yes yes aadi's too!!!!) but you know.... ALL MINE!!!!

Post that it was just a whirlwind of feeding, nappy changing, people visiting ... sleeping... sometimes him sometimes me... everything was just happening.... like on auto...

It was when we came home... when I had settled in... that one day when I was changing his nappy and I looked at him... I mean really looked at him... took in every little detail of him.... his eyes, the hair, the ears... I touched his fingers and toes... his super tiny super adorable knees.... he was so scrawny.... and he curled up and stretched out so cutely..... his tiny little mouth opening so his tiny little tongue could come out... it was all too much.... I swaddled him picked him up and held him to me...

My baby...

This was my baby...the little thing that was in my tummy a few days ago...

And then we danced to Rihanna's Cheers to that... just the two of us!!

This was going to be a fun relationship!! 

But today when someone asks me how was it... was there pain because of the c sec... did you connect to him instantly? Did the breastfeeding go ok? was it tough? 

I don't remember!!

I remember being mad at my mum for not remembering...!! But I really don't remember it in every little detail...and mine happened two years ago!!

What I do remember is the moments.... and the feelings and emotions attached to them... Because the rest truly doesn't matter... You figure it all out... the pain goes away... the breastfeeding happens... and if it doesn't you find an alternative... You learn to deal with the nappy changing and the many little gifts you get in them!! You learn that it could take from ten minutes to two hours for a baby to go to sleep.... you learn it all.... but you also forget it all...

Its just those moments... they stay forever!!!