No Competition Here!!

Last month in school they had a mommy and baby day.... 

its was really sweet... all the mommies were there and one daddy and the theme of the day was vegetables.

So we started out with some vegetable printing... that was not easy... he's a messy painter!!!! no sense of what goes where .. just splat splat spread spread color everywhere... and whats worse, he mixed the yellow and green and orange and our painting was this awful mucky color!!

he ha ha ha ha ha ha!!

next they played some games. One was where the kids were given a vegetable like a potato or a lady finger and then they would place more of them all around the room and the kids had to get another of what they had... siddy loved this game... and every time he came back with the right one!

Then came the races... so they placed three potatoes three lady fingers three mini brinjals in a row at regular intervals and the kids had to race to one bring it back to his mum then go for the other and so on and so forth...

Now while the other kids ran around siddy was very excited... then came our turn... we had to get them potatoes...

ready steady go...

and the other two kids go running and what does mine do? he cheers them on... and points to the veggies they have missed!!!!!

not one competitive bone in that little thing!!!

it was really funny... other kids were picking his potatoes and giving them to him and all he did was say thank you to them and turned to smile at me....

and what did i do... smile right back!!!

its adorable you know in a way... that he doesn't go nuts trying to "beat" everyone and thats not even a trait i would want in him... he enjoyed cheering everyone on and well everyone else gave him what he needed so i guess it worked out alright then!!!

I'm sure there is enough time in the world for him to get competitive... but is that really all I want for him?

Nope... i want him to get what he wants... if he wants to win a race then I will encourage him to run faster... but if he thinks its ok to not always win then I will encourage him to do just that...

Competition is healthy... in fact I recently spoke to a friend of mine who didn't put her son in one of these new age schools because they do not encourage sports or any competitive activity... and she wanted her kid to enjoy healthy competition...

But I also know lots of mums who did put their kids there...

So I guess as long as your kid is happy doing what he does... and gets by alright... there really is no reason to push them right...

I mean after all he did get all his veggies right in the first game... that accounts for something!!

Spot us?

Here we are doing our own thing!!

See... See how pretty i was making it...... wish I had a picture of the muck he turned it into!!

Losing me

So that feeling is finally hit me... The 'I'm a mom and nothing else' feeling. 

The 'I'm now stuck for life' feeling

The 'I can't ever be irresponsible and wild and free' feeling

The 'what the fuck have I done' feeling....

It's been creeping up on me fo a while now.... Maybe because I've had a lot of work pressure and not being able to cope without damn near killing myself might have something to do with it.... Sure taking on less work is an option... But it's a tough option...

And it's not just related to work... It's the feeling of being stuck... Of not having an independent thought,... It's a feeling of loosing me myself and my identity.... Somehow just being Siddy ki mummy is seeming a bit suffocating... 

Don't get me wrong and anyone who by now is thinking "what a horrible mom why can't she just leave her work and act like an adult" can please just leave...

This post isn't about me not loving Siddy it isn't about me not being happy to have him in my life it sure as hell isn't about oh my god my career is screwed because I have a kid...

Nope it's just me missing the Alishka I was....missing the free spirit the fun the crazy Alishka I remember...

I don't do silly stuff, I think ten times before I do anything... I don't make random plans to just go out with friends... I don't stay up late watching junk on tv... I'm always just too tired...or I have an early morning,,, the reasons are vague and stupid... But somehow I just don't do things like I did before...

Hell my first doobie happened post Siddy simply because I wanted to do something mad and stupid... Because I felt like a super practical responsible mommy and I wanted to break out of that...

The point isn't to do stupid irresponsible things... The point is to stop myself from loosing me...

I'm sure lots of girls feel this... When everyday revolves around a kid and thier needs... Right from food to changing diapers to entertaining them... You forget yourself .... 

This feeling is natural... And like the post delivery depression I think this low feeling is inevitable when you have a toddler.... Your every though is about him... And by the end of the day you are just so exhausted.... 

Do you know I was searching my phone for a picture of me to put as my profile pic and I couldn't find a single one ... Not one picture of me on my phone... All of the puchka and my work... And any pic of my with him, I look like I have died....

I need a break...even a short break will do... Even a quite cup of coffee at a coffee shop alone with a book will do.... Maybe that's what I'll do tomorrow take a short break.. And find myself again, 

First PTA

I didn't care much about PTA's as a kid (Parent Teachers Associations) ... I already knew what my teachers were going to say about me...

I was a naughty kid.. who didn't like studying much... forgot her homework and books and was basically living in her own la la land most of the time!!

My mother already knew these things as well... so there was nothing to be worried....!

But come today... My little pudding's first PTA and I had little knots in my tummy!!

I know he's just 18 months old... I know its not like he's giving exams.... it wasn't anxiety over what the teacher would say... it was just the dawning of the thought that he was old enough to have a PTA in his school!!

My little bumling.... all grown up!

To start with made sure to at least dress up all grown up! You know how often when i look at him I feel somethings not right.. I'm a kid too how the hell do I have a kid? its a bizaare feeling!! So looking grown up was priority.

Then I made up my mind to not think about milestones that the kid should have reached and things he should be doing and saying....

Unfortunately i'm a part of a few mommy groups who every once in a while discuss at what age the kid ought to be doing what... by which month the teeth must come, by which he should stand with no support, by which he should say how many words...

Its stressful to be honest and except for the late teeth (which was most strange because come on, how many grown ups do you know who's teeth never came?!!!!) I have never let myself get drawn into these discussions....

So how ever he was doing at school was good enough for me...

Cut to me sitting in front of his teacher with my mom in law for company and the teacher had this form like a ratings form about a few parameters on which they judge their skills like motor skills and problem solving etc and I see that out of 20 he was good in about 15 and outstanding in about 5 and my heart sank!!!

I know i know its silly and stupid... but for that one instant I felt ... how come he isn't outstanding in more if not all? because his teacher couldn't stop raving about how good he is in class... how interactive he has become since the day he joined... how confident and inquisitive....

Then I looked at him playing with some building blocks and he looked so happy and thrilled with himself... and he looked at me and smiled and picked up a few blocks and came and gave them to me... and I realised that I better not ever get into that zone of pressuring him... of making him feel like he has to achieve certain milestones and get certain grades to be intelligent and smart...

I remember what my mum once told my teacher who was completely putting me down by saying if i didn't "buck up" i would fail in school and later in life and my mum said....

"Don't worry about her... She'll manage just fine"

and look at me today... doing what i love... with a bank of amazing experiences in terms of jobs what more could I want?

and what more can I want for Siddy?

So from here till his very last PTA i will be the chilled out mom... the trusting mom... the one who sees the most potential in her little pudding!

Top Three Annoying Things!!

1. There go my peaceful bathroom days... no more chilling and reading all the rubbish gossip and checking out all the fun clothes in the newspapers....no... now its just answering to an incessant series of knocks interspersed with the very annoying repetitive " mumma mumma mumma mumma mumma mumma" aaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!

2.Do any of you have that clingy kid? The one who holds your legs and doesn't let you walk or move in any direction? And there is always that fear of your pants falling.... its bad for that to happen at home but outside... you just want to crawl into a corner and hide..... I don't know how they all know how to do this... do they learn to cling onto their mums from the womb? I mean really.... i see so many kids do this....

and the icing on the cake is when they do it while you are clearing the kitchen at night... so you have this small bowl with a curry filled to the brim because you were too tired to get a bigger bowl and he comes and holds your legs - you don't know whether to save the curry your legs or the kid!!!!

3. Its late, you're tired and you're waiting for him to sleep... but he's running around... suddenly he gets whiney and cranky and you jump for joy and rush to get his milk ready and then for some completely stupid reason you decide to quickly clean up his toys before you put him to sleep... and next thing you know he is WIDE AWAKE and playing again.... he thinks it would be best at 12:00 in the night to build his blocks into a biiiiiiiig tower....more aaaaarrrrggghhh!!

And then of course he does this:

and suddenly he's the most adorable baby in the world...!!!

Big bum yoga

Kids are mean... And honest... I guess...

So somedays when I am all charged up I do yoga... The surya namaskar to be more precise ..

Usually I try to do it when siddy is in school but sometimes he's around...

And the little nakalchi bandar that he is... he imitates me!!

Its adorable to see him do the dog pose.... especially when we both do it and look at each other from under our legs!!!

but whats really funny... well not for me but maybe for you guys and obviously for him...

this one day i was doing my yoga... he was sitting on the sofa watching me.. and as soon as i get into the dog pose he says 

"Biiiiiiiiiiiig Bum!!!!!!!!!!!" 

hmmmmmmm.... yes darling thats why i'm doing the yoga thank you very much. 

The blame game...

If you have seen the video about the lil kid arguing with his mum about cupcakes you know what a pa-pow is...

If not... Well it's a whack on the bum! 

I love siddy's bum and I totally love whacking it! And I love the word pa-pow as does he!! 

So the other day while playing I said 'siddy I'll give you a pa-pow on your bum or what?!'

And he laughed and smacked his own bum!! 

Then we saw my mum quietly doing something in the kitchen .. So I told him go give nene a pa -pow.. 

Excitedly and almost running he went into the kitchen and 'whack' right on her bum!!! 

And he squealed in excitement while she pretended to have got hurt!! 

Now he was charged up.. He ran towards me then ran back and gave her one more smack!!

Again he squealed and she shouted out!!! He was going nuts by now... 

So my mum jokingly said ' who is this monkey that's giving me pa-pows ?!!' 

Guess what he does..

In a second he points towards me saying 'Mumma'!!!!

So not only have we pa-powed nene.. We have happily blamed mum for it!!!!

Baby smells!!!

Have you ever stuck you nose to a baby's cheek and inhaled deeply? 

No?

You should try it someday... It's the most awesome smell ever... And I'm not just talking about the Johnson and Johnson smell... I'm taking about the baby's smell....

It's somehow also one of the most comforting smells...

Even at 19 months Siddy has this amazing baby smell which I love.... And his soft little cheek.. Ah the combination is fatal.. I can give up work or food or anything for it! 

Because once you get that whiff all you want to do is cuddle and snuggle with the little munchkin for the rest of the day!

All you want is to keep kissing him and hugging him and sniffing him like some drug!! 

Go smell a little munchkin today and tell me what you think!