Thursday, 10 March 2016

Making friends as a Mommy!

I can literally count my friends on my fingers... I have very few... some since I was three and some I made last year... a few nuts who have been there thru a lot and a few only for the fun times... a few i meet often and a few that I meet once in a while but we manage to pick off right from where we left off..

And its great, mainly because I have really poor social skills and add to that my insane lazy streak... I can easily manage catching up with these friends...question is can I handle more?

Well it never would have been a thought till I had the bubba.... because once you have a bubba you realise he needs other bubbas... and for that you need to know other moms who need a bubba for their bubba... and herein starts the whole search for a new friend...for you, for your bubba and sometimes even the daddy's get roped in!

You can make these friends anywhere... from mommy groups on facebook to the play school you send your kids to... the park, of course is a great place to make a mommy friend as is the indoor play areas.

What I have realised is that its very very tough to do this.

I've had a few hits and misses with these new mommy friends...

Some were hits and misses on bumling's part and some on my part....

I mean its not like school or college where you have similar tastes in subjects or the lack of it that binds you... or similar music or lifestyles.... Between the ages of 12 to about 22 its very easy I think, to make friends... you can make friends on the most random things...But when it comes to mommy friends a lot of things matter...

Even, if not especially, your mommy methods... do you breastfeed does she breastfeed? Do you like taking your kids to a fancy shmancy indoor play ground or do your kids jump in muddy puddles? Do you think play schools are good or are you a homeschooler.... and the list is pretty endless....

I remember this one mommy friend i made thru one of these mommy groups... and co incidentally she ended up living very close to me... So we decided to meet... Her boy was a few months older than mine... and quite boisterous and energetic... and mine was and still is super quite...

Pretty much on the first meeting, when we took the boys to the park to play and hers was happily swinging the cricket bat around while mine didn't even know how to hold one, she started telling me how she was going to make him a cricketer in no time.... and what really well, bugged me, was her husband who accompanied us on our play dates also kept telling me the same thing...

"Oh don't worry we'll make him rough and tough like our boy" "Oh don't worry he'll also soon be playing football and cricket like our boy" "He'll eat as fast as our boy" "He'll run as fast as our boy" and that's when I knew I needed to take my kid as far as possible from their boy and them!

Maybe they meant it in the nicest way... but its just not my thing. I am a strong believer of each kid has his or her own journey and path to get to their milestones.... and in nothing have i ever pushed siddy to accomplish and I sure wasn't ready to let someone else decide..

In the last two years we have tried and tested several mommy kid sets... like I said sometimes the kids were not siddy's age or temperament and sometimes the mother wasn't mine!!!

During all this i realised that making friends was getting incredibly tough at this age... I have less patience with people... I don't have the energy to really keep in touch and keep up... I can't do whatsapp group chats... I would rather binge watch tv and eat chips and drink chilled coke than dress the kid up, dress me up and go to a "fun" place to get the kids to play while we "chat"!!!!

I needed mommy friends who would be happy to do that  kinda binging with me while our kids played next to us....

Finally after much trial and error, I noticed a mum from siddy's school whose daughter looked like such a cutie pie... and the mum looked like someone I could relate to, some one who had this creative streak about her... you can tell by the bag, the kurti, the bun hair... so i decided to strike up a conversation....

Over the next few weeks, we chatted and planned a play date...

Its very much like dating... you know... you message... then you wait for them to message back...You don't want to send too many messages, you don't want to scare them off... you're not sure if you should send that facebook friend request... are super happy when you get one from her... Next thing you know there are messages going back and forth every week, then everyday... You'll are catching up for play dates and then just the two of you for coffee... the conversations have moved from the kids and their schools and paediatricians to your work and husbands and where to shop....and suddenly you'll are friends! Yes we do talk about our husbands !!

Now that the kids are fond of each other and you'll are fond of each other... the next step of this relationship is to add your husbands to the mix..

This is the most dicey... because this can really just go two ways... they get along or they don't.

Though honestly, unless they really absolutely can't stand each other..... its ok either way...because say they simply don't get along, then you two can go on being just mommy friends... but if they do.. well then you have family friends!!!

Luckily for us, our husbands got along just fine... and now its great... We can actually go out for dinners and not worry about how to entertain the kids.... !!

Earlier there would be times we would take the kid to dinner and we would come back home and realise the only conversations we have had were about the kid or with the kid.... But now when we go with this couple who has a kid... And we can actually talk about grown up things while the kids play around the table!

So while this whole making new friends at this age thing is really one heck of an experience... I think somewhere, like most things, we have to do it for the kids.... Its important... for us and for the kids... because after you have kids you suddenly realise there is only so much you can do with your friends who don't have kids... leaving aside the fact that there is only so much they will do with you after you have a kid!!!!!! And you realise its very difficult to entertain a kid for a long period of time... But when they have company thats their height and age... it just so much easier!

It takes time and some effort on every ones part, but i think when you find the right mommy baby (sometimes daddy) set... weekends can be a whole lot of fun!!!

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