Your kids - your witness!

On humans of New York there was this one guy who said he and his wife had chosen not to have kids... And lots of his friends thought he was being selfish... But this guy was very clear that of all the things he wanted to accomplish in his life having a kid wasn't one of them... And of course he ended saying that post a couple of drinks all his daddy friends would tell him how much they envied his freedom. 

Such a debatable post no? 

At one level I can fully understand this not wanting to have a baby anymore thing... It's funny because I have one.. And I always wanted one... Not in the way where I would goo goo ga ga over babies and baby clothes when I was young... But just as something I knew when I met Aadi.. When I met him marriage and creating something that was part him part me made sense...

But strangely I feel young couples today aren't ready for that kind of commitment or don't feel the need for it...in fact I feel

Most of them can't even handle a marriage let alone a baby. 

And it's ok... At some level... Better maybe at most...the last thing that is ok is to have a kid to save your marriage or as a last attempt to get your partner to stay with you...so maybe it's better these couples don't have kids early on...

Also the decision to have the kid has to be a very sure well thought of decision and not just giving into parental and societal pressures... 

Life really isn't about college job marriage baby.... These things are great and eventually help you build a strong personal support in life if you do it right...but if you do it because your parents insisted or your friends told you its a must.. It could end up being a bad idea...

I never tell friends who are married but don't have kids to have kids... And definitely not if they haven't asked... 

Recently I met a friend she was married for about four maybe five years... Both her and her husband have great jobs and they are very happy together... I haven't asked why, but they don't have any kids yet.. And she's really good with kids... She loved mine and he loved her... And at this one point in the evening I nearly said to her " you're so good with kids when you going to have your own?" But I stopped myself...

I'm sure she must get it a lot from her family from her husbands family... She hardly needed it from me..

Also I remember Aadi would always tell me... It seems like married couples always tell unmarried couples to get married by saying negative things about marriage " get married then see if she lets you go out with the guys" " get married then see if he buys you gifts" 

Similarly mums tell newly married girls to have a baby by highlighting all the negatives... Sometimes what's worse is when they fudge over the negatives completly and make it sound like a walk in the clouds... 

It's great but it's tough is what I always say.. Just so long as you walk into it with your eyes open...

I thinks it's fine not to have kids altogether... But at the same time i feel a time will come when you're much older.. When you're done with all your music and vacationing and "finding" your true self.... When maybe your partner isn't there anymore because they found them selves someplace else... When you might maybe just regret the decision... 

Because at the end of the day, like Susan Sarandon said in 'shall we dance'

 Beverly Clark: We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

I feel the same with kids... At some point it's nice to have them to tell your stories to.. To have them tell their kids stories about you.. That's how you live on right?

So i don't know..debatable but still an easy choice for me!!!